Skip to main content

Newborn Smiles and New Beginnings

The first time it dawned on my was when Elijah was 6 weeks old. The first 'real' smile from our baby and Graham had gotten it.

I was mad!

I was also hurt, angry, confused...

Why had HE gotten the first smile when I'm taking care of this baby 24/7? I'M the one that is up all night with him. I'M the one spending hours every day feeding him, changing his diaper, etc.

But that's when I realized it- I was spending so much time 'taking care of' my baby that I forgot to enjoy my baby.

And that's all that Graham did.

Once I realized what I was doing (or rather NOT doing) I made some changes and eventually got my own smiles. But somehow, over time, I've fallen back into that rut.

I've been so focused on the tasks of parenting that I've been missing out on the relationships of parenting. Teaching manners, training in chores, getting their school work done, music practiced- you know the parenting drill.

Working for perfection and missing who they are as people.

No wonder things feel crazy. With everything I do with and for them each day- my heart and mind haven't been present to really BE with them.

Under the Old Covenant- it was all rules, rules, rules. The New Covenant had God's laws written onto our heart so that our Spirit would connect with Him (Heb. 10:16).

Somehow, the training of my children has turned back into the rules (the Law) instead of a relationship of the heart (grace).

It probably has a lot to do with where my heart is at. Frustrated at all the failings I can see in my own life it's so easy to compare to the perfection we perceive in other people's lives. Then we get even more discouraged about where our lives are at and sometimes we even give up trying anymore, since what's the use?

Today marks Day 1 of an online bible study that I will be doing through the Proverbs 31 Ministries called Made to Crave- Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, not Food. It's exactly where I'm at right now.

I'm looking around at everyone else's life and getting bummed out that they seem to have what my soul is craving- but the cravings I'm looking to fill have little or nothing to do with God.

Which is why I'm, as my husband put it the other day, 'self-medicating with food' (he was referring to himself in this instance, but it's my modas operandi as well).

Going through the motions doesn't get you anywhere, and for me- it needs to stop. I need to have God strip away all those things that I'm craving that aren't Him so that I can re-engage in life.

I've tried so many times to change that it's easy to wonder why I'd even try again- I'll probably just fail this time again, so it's easier to just not start.

But then I'm reminded of the father with his sick boy in Mark 9:22b where he says, "...But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!" 23 And Jesus said to him, "'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes." 24 Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."

That is my cry tonight, 'Help my unbelief!'

Keeping it real, by the grace of God
Tammy
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Great Expectations....

Expectations. I have come to realize that I have a love-hate relationship with 'Expectations'. Before something happens you have this dream of what it's going to look like. And, the longer you have to wait the bigger the expectations become (at least for me it's seemed that way). Expectations: being given a picture and told to replicate it in cake form. I have grand ideas of what all my cake attempts should look like (think professional perfection)- but the reality of my experience doesn't always translate the same way. Thankfully this one turned out really well! Then you hit reality. You finally get what you've been waiting/wanting/dreaming for all that time. But, it's different than what you were expecting it to be/look like. Not that it's bad or anything (although sometimes it can be). It's just different than what you dreamt it would be. My life seems to be just that- hoping and praying for things to happen only to have reality ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Filling the Wrong Bucket

I didn't cave. I also should have just stayed off of Facebook, but I didn't cave. Last summer I chose NOT send my kids to summer camp- even though, seemingly, ALL their friends were going. The same week. All of them. Well, not really, of course. But honestly, with Facebook status updates coming in fast and furiously- it really did seem like it. And I wondered, 'Am I a bad mom because I didn't send my kids to summer camp with their friends?' At one point, I seriously thought about calling up the camp (after the week had started) and seeing if I couldn't somehow manage to get them in anyway. I let the thought pass- and didn't cave. But I still feel a tinge of guilt about it and I'm dreading the decision about this summer already. Fast forward a few more months- to February 7, 2014 to be exact. Pretty much anyone with even the slightest interest in Lego will know what that date means. The release of their first full-length feature movie....
Post a Comment
Read more

Jesus is ALIVE!

Over the past few weeks Rebekah and I have had an on-going argument. The general gist goes something like this: R: Jesus is dead. Me: Yes, he did die, but God brought Him back to life. R: No He didn't. He's dead and I want Him to stay dead. Me: It doesn't matter what you want here, He's alive whether you like or not. R: I don't. Me: exasperated sigh and much praying ensues. I was beginning to wonder where I went wrong with her. Was I not giving her enough time each day because I was so preoccupied with the boys and their school work? Probably- but was that it? Were we letting her watch something that we shouldn't be? Again, probably- but what was it exactly and was that the reason? Finally, a few days ago, something happened. After waking up Rebekah came up to me and told me that she had had a dream. As is my custom when my children tell me that they've had a dream, I ask them what it was about. As a side note, I am a prolific dreamer and ...
Post a Comment
Read more