I can't believe that it's been nearly a year since my last post. Well, actually I can. I suck at this sometimes (a lot of the time?).
Anyway, here is something that I'd written in December, but somehow didn't post. There is much to catch up on from the past year and lots that is happening/changing- but this needs to go up first while I work on the rest.
So here goes...
Ever since I first started toying with the idea of switching to registered homeschooling from our current enrolled status I've been second guessing that decision. (You can read about it here.)
When I talked with our 'school' people- somehow they seemed to make it all sound so easy that this really isn't such a big deal. It almost made me think that I should stay enrolled- mainly so I can get the funding for lessons and such.
But there was no peace when I thought about that. It felt like I was trying to ride the fence and play both sides- trying to figure out how to do the minimum I would need to do to get the funding and then do whatever I want the rest of the week. However, I've sort of tried that in the past- and well, let's just say we never got around to our own stuff that the kids wanted to do.
The only time that it felt right, that I felt like I was hearing from God about what to do for this year was to be registered.
Fast forward to now- four months into the school year. I did make the leap, finally- we are doing this year as registered students.
And I have continued, on nearly a weekly basis to second guess that decision.
Don't get me wrong, being registered has been a HUGE load off my back in so many ways. Unfortunately, it's presented some unexpected challenges as well.
The freedom to do whatever you want means that there are no boundaries. No road-map to guide you along the way so that you know where you're going (and therefore you don't know when you've reached your destination).
Now I guess there are a lot of people out there that are better planners than I seem to be, people who can figure that out for themselves. At this point- I have no idea how to do that, and it's frustrating.
Oh I did have a plan back in August/September. Then I tried it, and realized it was NOT going to work.
There were so many things that I wanted to do with the kids that we'd be doing school for 7 hours or more a day! And that didn't even include PE or anything else that was fun! Yikes!
But then I failed to come up with a Plan 'B'. And it's pretty much been that way ever since. Oh, we still managed to get some English and Math done a couple of times a week and have done some other stuff, however if I was ever worried about this whole homeschooling thing messing up my kids- this is the year that I'm really starting to think that maybe I am doing just that!
Then there are days like yesterday. Ones that somewhat redeem themselves and help me remember, even if only for a while, that this is the right direction for us this year.
I had to drop Elijah off for some cadet volunteer work and then was going to go shopping with the younger kids. Everything went reasonably well (just the usual craziness anyway) until I had to go to the bank and do some deposits. As I was coming back to the van I got treated to child A absolutely whaling on child B.
I'm talking about a full-on beating here- fists and all!
Even though this does happen on a semi-regular basis, this was the most violent I'd seen them be towards each other. And it's always over the stupidest things!
Needless to say, both were sent to their rooms when we got home while I figured out what to do with them.
Thankfully, God showed up and gave me some insight into what we were really dealing with- the root causes: rejection (child B) and feeling disrespected (child A).
After a lot of my usual blah, blah, blah, I was able to talk to child B about rejection, what I thought the root of the rejection was and pray through that with him.
It was something that I've been wanting to do with him for a very long time, and I have to believe that God- in that Kairos moment, did a work of healing in his inner being. AND, that He is going to continue that in his heart, while giving me direction about things that I need to do to maintain that for him.
Then, I went in to talk to child A. I realize that a lot of what he's dealing with is a frustrating of being disrespected. Of not being heard by his brothers (that and pre-teen hormonal changes).
And in another divine intervention, I realized that as much as the enemy is trying to drive a wedge between these two- God must have an equal and opposite desire for good for the two of them! If there wasn't some plan for them, a deep bond that they are to have- there would be no reason at all for satan to try to destroy their relationship!
I'm not sure who that was more for- them or me!
Anyway, it was so good to see heartfelt repentance from each of them and a genuine change in their attitudes towards each other (at least for a little while anyway).
Of course, dealing with all of this took quite some time (remember there were two other kids NOT in trouble at that point.... ahem, the YOUNGEST ones.....)....
So, after constant interruptions from (primarily) the youngest, I went upstairs to discover that Rebekah had taken a dozen or so of our NEW Dutch Blitz cards and glued them together!
Did you know that you can wash Dutch Blitz cards and if you dry them right away they don't disintegrate?
Back to the drawing board!
Keeping it real, by the grace of God,
Tammy
Anyway, here is something that I'd written in December, but somehow didn't post. There is much to catch up on from the past year and lots that is happening/changing- but this needs to go up first while I work on the rest.
So here goes...
Ever since I first started toying with the idea of switching to registered homeschooling from our current enrolled status I've been second guessing that decision. (You can read about it here.)
When I talked with our 'school' people- somehow they seemed to make it all sound so easy that this really isn't such a big deal. It almost made me think that I should stay enrolled- mainly so I can get the funding for lessons and such.
But there was no peace when I thought about that. It felt like I was trying to ride the fence and play both sides- trying to figure out how to do the minimum I would need to do to get the funding and then do whatever I want the rest of the week. However, I've sort of tried that in the past- and well, let's just say we never got around to our own stuff that the kids wanted to do.
The only time that it felt right, that I felt like I was hearing from God about what to do for this year was to be registered.
Fast forward to now- four months into the school year. I did make the leap, finally- we are doing this year as registered students.
And I have continued, on nearly a weekly basis to second guess that decision.
Don't get me wrong, being registered has been a HUGE load off my back in so many ways. Unfortunately, it's presented some unexpected challenges as well.
The freedom to do whatever you want means that there are no boundaries. No road-map to guide you along the way so that you know where you're going (and therefore you don't know when you've reached your destination).
Now I guess there are a lot of people out there that are better planners than I seem to be, people who can figure that out for themselves. At this point- I have no idea how to do that, and it's frustrating.
Oh I did have a plan back in August/September. Then I tried it, and realized it was NOT going to work.
There were so many things that I wanted to do with the kids that we'd be doing school for 7 hours or more a day! And that didn't even include PE or anything else that was fun! Yikes!
But then I failed to come up with a Plan 'B'. And it's pretty much been that way ever since. Oh, we still managed to get some English and Math done a couple of times a week and have done some other stuff, however if I was ever worried about this whole homeschooling thing messing up my kids- this is the year that I'm really starting to think that maybe I am doing just that!
Then there are days like yesterday. Ones that somewhat redeem themselves and help me remember, even if only for a while, that this is the right direction for us this year.
I had to drop Elijah off for some cadet volunteer work and then was going to go shopping with the younger kids. Everything went reasonably well (just the usual craziness anyway) until I had to go to the bank and do some deposits. As I was coming back to the van I got treated to child A absolutely whaling on child B.
I'm talking about a full-on beating here- fists and all!
Even though this does happen on a semi-regular basis, this was the most violent I'd seen them be towards each other. And it's always over the stupidest things!
Needless to say, both were sent to their rooms when we got home while I figured out what to do with them.
Thankfully, God showed up and gave me some insight into what we were really dealing with- the root causes: rejection (child B) and feeling disrespected (child A).
After a lot of my usual blah, blah, blah, I was able to talk to child B about rejection, what I thought the root of the rejection was and pray through that with him.
It was something that I've been wanting to do with him for a very long time, and I have to believe that God- in that Kairos moment, did a work of healing in his inner being. AND, that He is going to continue that in his heart, while giving me direction about things that I need to do to maintain that for him.
Then, I went in to talk to child A. I realize that a lot of what he's dealing with is a frustrating of being disrespected. Of not being heard by his brothers (that and pre-teen hormonal changes).
And in another divine intervention, I realized that as much as the enemy is trying to drive a wedge between these two- God must have an equal and opposite desire for good for the two of them! If there wasn't some plan for them, a deep bond that they are to have- there would be no reason at all for satan to try to destroy their relationship!
I'm not sure who that was more for- them or me!
Anyway, it was so good to see heartfelt repentance from each of them and a genuine change in their attitudes towards each other (at least for a little while anyway).
Of course, dealing with all of this took quite some time (remember there were two other kids NOT in trouble at that point.... ahem, the YOUNGEST ones.....)....
So, after constant interruptions from (primarily) the youngest, I went upstairs to discover that Rebekah had taken a dozen or so of our NEW Dutch Blitz cards and glued them together!
Did you know that you can wash Dutch Blitz cards and if you dry them right away they don't disintegrate?
Back to the drawing board!
Keeping it real, by the grace of God,
Tammy
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