WRAD Memories

Expectations. I have come to realize that I have a love-hate relationship with 'Expectations'. Before something happens you have this dream of what it's going to look like. And, the longer you have to wait the bigger the expectations become (at least for me it's seemed that way). Expectations: being given a picture and told to replicate it in cake form. I have grand ideas of what all my cake attempts should look like (think professional perfection)- but the reality of my experience doesn't always translate the same way. Thankfully this one turned out really well! Then you hit reality. You finally get what you've been waiting/wanting/dreaming for all that time. But, it's different than what you were expecting it to be/look like. Not that it's bad or anything (although sometimes it can be). It's just different than what you dreamt it would be. My life seems to be just that- hoping and praying for things to happen only to have reality ...

I can't believe that it's been nearly a year since my last post. Well, actually I can. I suck at this sometimes (a lot of the time?). Anyway, here is something that I'd written in December, but somehow didn't post. There is much to catch up on from the past year and lots that is happening/changing- but this needs to go up first while I work on the rest. So here goes... Ever since I first started toying with the idea of switching to registered homeschooling from our current enrolled status I've been second guessing that decision. (You can read about it  here .) When I talked with our 'school' people- somehow they seemed to make it all sound so easy that this really isn't such a big deal. It almost made me think that I should stay enrolled- mainly so I can get the funding for lessons and such. But there was no peace when I thought about that. It felt like I was trying to ride the fence and play both sides- trying to figure out how to do the minim...

Where to begin? This year has been crazy. Not just for me, but for a lot of my home schooling friends as well. I thought that going into year five of this home schooling journey was a bit of an 'arrival' of sorts. That just maybe I had 'made it' and was on to smoother sailings. Uhm.... no... Getting rid of the dog lifted a huge weight of the constant responsibility- but at the same time the heaviness was still there. Like a daughter who would break out into weeping fits when she thought about the dog and still asks me when he's coming back or when I will get another dog to replace him. I expended copious amount of time trying to deal with and train him- and getting rid of him signaled yet another failure that was emotionally hard to deal with. We also signed Elijah up with our local Air Cadet program and I have been volunteering with that as well. It's been interesting getting 'out' into the world again. For the past number of years our family ...

The first time it dawned on my was when Elijah was 6 weeks old. The first 'real' smile from our baby and Graham had gotten it. I was mad! I was also hurt, angry, confused... Why had HE gotten the first smile when I'm taking care of this baby 24/7? I'M the one that is up all night with him. I'M the one spending hours every day feeding him, changing his diaper, etc. But that's when I realized it- I was spending so much time 'taking care of' my baby that I forgot to enjoy my baby. And that's all that Graham did. Once I realized what I was doing (or rather NOT doing) I made some changes and eventually got my own smiles. But somehow, over time, I've fallen back into that rut. I've been so focused on the tasks of parenting that I've been missing out on the relationships of parenting. Teaching manners, training in chores, getting their school work done, music practiced- you know the parenting drill. Working for perfection and mis...

Okay, I'm just going to say it- Christmas really isn't my favourite time of the year! It probably has a lot to do with the fact that my husband intensely dislikes this time of the year. He doesn't have very fond memories of Christmas from his childhood and so it's really poisoned his attitude. As a result, most years Christmas is merely a blip on the calendar, and then we keep plowing through- basically ignoring the whole thing insofar as we can. Having said that, I decided that this year I wanted to do things differently. To slow down and put some thought into WHY we even do this in the first place. I started by getting an Advent book and candles- so that we'd have a daily reading to do. The story is quite interesting (and very gruesome at times), but as we're working our way through it- I'm realizing it's the right book to help us learn and remember. Then, I decided that we'd scale back the school work (which wasn't too difficult beca...

September was a bit of a blur- which you probably noticed since I really didn't post much of anything during the month. Things and life had me distracted and I couldn't figure out which way was up. My 90 Days Through the Bible is taking longer than I'd hoped- mainly because instead of doing my reading every night I've been doing other things (like creating a Lego scrapbook for the boys. Pointless? Of course! Will they love it and fight over the 1 copy that I ordered? You betcha!). But doing things that I'm not supposed to be doing means that I have to say NO to things that I should be doing. Things that if they don't get done mean that days are really, really rough. Like figuring out a schedule for our school days, or even what we're supposed to be doing for school each day! Thankfully, after meeting with my home support teacher, I have a new plan for the work and I just need to figure out a schedule. And very timely, this post here ( Punching th...

Lately I haven't been feeling like I'm getting anywhere with things. I'm dwelling too much on what's NOT working (or getting done, etc.), than I am on what IS working. The laundry piles, the cluttered counters and dirty dishes, the 'still unplanned home school/day schedule', kids who've decided that they don't want to listen or do anything you've told them for the past 10 years! Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's easy to get dragged down into the dumps when you do that. This then becomes a catch-22 where you get so upset that you just want to numb yourself in some way: internet, Facebook, reading, hobbies, eating, drinking, drugs, etc. The list is long of things that we use to fill the hole that's there in our lives. Unfortunately, what they all have in common is that fact that the moment we turn to them instead of to God- they become our idols. As I've been reading through the Old Testament I've been pondering the whole 'heart att...

I always think it's neat when I can see God moving in my life. For me lately, everything I'm reading in my bible (as I attempt to go cover-to-cover in 90 days), all the sermons I'm hearing and the topics from our Friday night bible study group, are all pointing to the same thing. A total, heartfelt obedience to God. Like my blog post  here . This past week, I finally hit that moment of surrender. And was it ever freeing. God gave me such a cool picture to go along with it- but that's just for me and Him for now. But surrender is only the first step- now I need to walk that out. Doing ALL the things He asks me to and NOT doing those things that He says not to. I feel overwhelmed by it all. Where do I start? However, those thoughts are mine, not His. Surrender is listening for the next instruction and then doing it. And then repeating the whole listening/doing thing for the rest of my life. It's laying down my agenda for what I want to do/accompl...

I started a summer project. Oh yes, not like bringing home a puppy wasn't enough craziness for the summer- I've gone and added something else. I set a goal for myself- read through my bible in 90 days. At first I hummed and hawed about doing it. Would I really retain anything to make it worthwhile? Shouldn't I do a slow methodical study to get as much as possible out of it? Blah, blah, blah... Then I figured, anything that gets me at least reading my bible on a regular basis (whatever the outcome) would be a GOOD thing. So I started out with great enthusiasm and even got a day ahead of myself. Now, I'm behind (surprise, surprise). REALLY behind. Out of town visitors and a week of camping will do that, but I'm working on getting caught up again. Until then, I want to share a little nugget that I got from Ex. 36:2. "Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the Lord had given ability and who was willing to come and ...

A while back I wrote about a video series that we're going through with our home group. In it, they talked about God giving us over to our own stubborn desires in order to help draw us back to Him (Ps. 81). I think I've found my latest version of this- our new dog. And yes, it's only been three days! Short honeymoon, eh? He is the cutest thing ever- but I HATE potty training. I hate the 'presents' that he gives us when we don't get it right (at least my kids didn't do that on the carpet!). And, I'm seriously lacking in sleep from his whining during the night. NOT a good combination. As I was thinking about it I began to realize something- as I'm getting 'squeezed' by this latest challenge in my life, how am I responding? Snarly- just like how I was feeling today. Honestly, it really hasn't been all that pretty. I don't think it's been very pretty for most of us- each in different ways. In some ways it makes me sad t...