Expectations.
I have come to realize that I have a love-hate relationship with 'Expectations'.
Before something happens you have this dream of what it's going to look like. And, the longer you have to wait the bigger the expectations become (at least for me it's seemed that way).
Then you hit reality. You finally get what you've been waiting/wanting/dreaming for all that time.
But, it's different than what you were expecting it to be/look like.
Not that it's bad or anything (although sometimes it can be). It's just different than what you dreamt it would be.
My life seems to be just that- hoping and praying for things to happen only to have reality hit me in the face colder than the 'ice-bucket challenge'.
And lately, I've been sinking.
I am absolutely NOT 'considering it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds' AT ALL!
In fact, I've been eating up a storm and wallowing in self-pity like the good old days.
But how to get out of this, because like the saying goes 'if momma ain't happy... then momma needs a new attitude!'?
Tonight consisted of several fights with multiple children- not how I would like any day to end, but why should have Mother's Day been any different?
One child (who was involved in the worst of it), came up stating that they couldn't sleep. And honestly, my heart just wanted to nail them to the wall for how they've been treating me lately- when I've been going out of my way to especially please said child over the past few weeks.
But as we sat here, I knew that I needed to try to figure out what I should say. How to apologize for what I contributed to the problem yet still letting them know that it's NOT ok to treat me (or anyone) like that.
Or rather, what was it that God was wanting to say to the both of us- because I know we both need something from Him right now.
My words seemed so hollow and fake- trying to quell the frustration and hurt from the past while, yet knowing that regardless of the war inside my brain- I still have a responsibility to train up this child in the way God wants him to go.
I feel like a hypocrite and tonight there isn't going to be a nice little 'wrap-up' about the lesson that I've learned in this- because I haven't figured it out yet.
And for now, that's the way it is.
I have this expectation that I should know how to fix this- but the reality is I don't, and for now that's where things are at in my life.
Messy.
Keeping it real, by the grace of God,
Tammy
I have come to realize that I have a love-hate relationship with 'Expectations'.
Before something happens you have this dream of what it's going to look like. And, the longer you have to wait the bigger the expectations become (at least for me it's seemed that way).
 |
| Expectations: being given a picture and told to replicate it in cake form. I have grand ideas of what all my cake attempts should look like (think professional perfection)- but the reality of my experience doesn't always translate the same way. Thankfully this one turned out really well! |
Then you hit reality. You finally get what you've been waiting/wanting/dreaming for all that time.
But, it's different than what you were expecting it to be/look like.
Not that it's bad or anything (although sometimes it can be). It's just different than what you dreamt it would be.
My life seems to be just that- hoping and praying for things to happen only to have reality hit me in the face colder than the 'ice-bucket challenge'.
And lately, I've been sinking.
I am absolutely NOT 'considering it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds' AT ALL!
In fact, I've been eating up a storm and wallowing in self-pity like the good old days.
But how to get out of this, because like the saying goes 'if momma ain't happy... then momma needs a new attitude!'?
Tonight consisted of several fights with multiple children- not how I would like any day to end, but why should have Mother's Day been any different?
One child (who was involved in the worst of it), came up stating that they couldn't sleep. And honestly, my heart just wanted to nail them to the wall for how they've been treating me lately- when I've been going out of my way to especially please said child over the past few weeks.
But as we sat here, I knew that I needed to try to figure out what I should say. How to apologize for what I contributed to the problem yet still letting them know that it's NOT ok to treat me (or anyone) like that.
Or rather, what was it that God was wanting to say to the both of us- because I know we both need something from Him right now.
My words seemed so hollow and fake- trying to quell the frustration and hurt from the past while, yet knowing that regardless of the war inside my brain- I still have a responsibility to train up this child in the way God wants him to go.
I feel like a hypocrite and tonight there isn't going to be a nice little 'wrap-up' about the lesson that I've learned in this- because I haven't figured it out yet.
And for now, that's the way it is.
I have this expectation that I should know how to fix this- but the reality is I don't, and for now that's where things are at in my life.
Messy.
Keeping it real, by the grace of God,
Tammy
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