WRAD Memories

The first time it dawned on my was when Elijah was 6 weeks old. The first 'real' smile from our baby and Graham had gotten it. I was mad! I was also hurt, angry, confused... Why had HE gotten the first smile when I'm taking care of this baby 24/7? I'M the one that is up all night with him. I'M the one spending hours every day feeding him, changing his diaper, etc. But that's when I realized it- I was spending so much time 'taking care of' my baby that I forgot to enjoy my baby. And that's all that Graham did. Once I realized what I was doing (or rather NOT doing) I made some changes and eventually got my own smiles. But somehow, over time, I've fallen back into that rut. I've been so focused on the tasks of parenting that I've been missing out on the relationships of parenting. Teaching manners, training in chores, getting their school work done, music practiced- you know the parenting drill. Working for perfection and mis...

I'm finally trying to get my home school reports in to my support teacher and I'm realizing just how much my kids have not been listening to many of the things that I have been telling them to do. It's almost like they are on a quest to see how little they can do/get away with before I get upset with them. However, I think my frustration level with this is probably linked more to my realization that I'M not doing things that I think God has told ME to do (or told me to stop doing but I'm still doing them). So, I'm reaping what I'm sowing- and I hate it. But I've also realized something else- my heart doesn't really want to change things. My head KNOWS I should, but the 'rubber is not meeting the road' at this point. After all, who really doesn't like being selfish and getting their way and doing whatever they want when they want to do it? Forget about serving others, I want to be served! And yet, it grieves me each night when ...

I don't know about you, but finding a quiet moment during the day to 'find my marbles' can be really hard. I guess having five kids around 24/7 will do that. I still chuckle when I remember reading about what Suzanna Wesley would do to get some 'quiet' time (she had 10 kids, by the way!)- she would sit down in her rocking chair and take her apron and flip it up over her head. That was the signal that nobody had better bug her! She did this everyday before she schooled her children. I can't imagine my kids not terrorizing each other (just like how they're fine until the phone rings- and then their misbehaviour is in direct proportion to the importance of the call)! Before I had kids, I had lots of time to get into my prayer closet and 'be still'. Oh, how I miss those days! It's been a challenge to figure out how to be still the more kids I have. I often long for the intimacy and excitement of those days- we had an extra room that was mine, a...