Skip to main content

Is Anybody Listening to Me?

I'm finally trying to get my home school reports in to my support teacher and I'm realizing just how much my kids have not been listening to many of the things that I have been telling them to do.

It's almost like they are on a quest to see how little they can do/get away with before I get upset with them.

However, I think my frustration level with this is probably linked more to my realization that I'M not doing things that I think God has told ME to do (or told me to stop doing but I'm still doing them).

So, I'm reaping what I'm sowing- and I hate it.

But I've also realized something else- my heart doesn't really want to change things. My head KNOWS I should, but the 'rubber is not meeting the road' at this point.

After all, who really doesn't like being selfish and getting their way and doing whatever they want when they want to do it? Forget about serving others, I want to be served!

And yet, it grieves me each night when I fall into bed that I've lived my day like that. It grieves me even more when I realize the example that it's setting for my kids- which means that they are living each day like that and I end up refereeing a 3-ring circus all day!

In my heart I keep hoping there is a miracle 'obedience pill'- the one that you take and all of a sudden you're always obedient to everything God wants to you do.

So that I'd never want to sleep in ever again- I'd always be up at 4 am to get a good couple of hours in on my devotions.

I'd never over-eat/over-spend ever again- just the thought of doing that would make me violently ill.

I would ALWAYS be gracious to my children (and every one else that I come in contact with for the rest of my life) and NEVER speak and unkind word in an unkind way ever again.

My house would always be ready for visitors- sparkling clean and smelling fresh.

While some of those dreams could be classified as being slightly 'Biblical', I'm realizing all these things are about making ME look good and having people be impressed with ME.

That doesn't work.

There is no obedience pill. Just a daily dying to self and living for Christ- and it starts with the next choice I make.

And then the next....

And then the next....

Living a life of humility seeking one thing- Christ and His glorification (not mine).

There may not be a magic 'obedience pill', but there is a real map to finding that place of whole-hearted, surrendered obedience.

Hopefully one day I'll stop focusing on myself long enough to really look for it.

Keeping it real, by the grace of God...
Tammy
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Filling the Wrong Bucket

I didn't cave. I also should have just stayed off of Facebook, but I didn't cave. Last summer I chose NOT send my kids to summer camp- even though, seemingly, ALL their friends were going. The same week. All of them. Well, not really, of course. But honestly, with Facebook status updates coming in fast and furiously- it really did seem like it. And I wondered, 'Am I a bad mom because I didn't send my kids to summer camp with their friends?' At one point, I seriously thought about calling up the camp (after the week had started) and seeing if I couldn't somehow manage to get them in anyway. I let the thought pass- and didn't cave. But I still feel a tinge of guilt about it and I'm dreading the decision about this summer already. Fast forward a few more months- to February 7, 2014 to be exact. Pretty much anyone with even the slightest interest in Lego will know what that date means. The release of their first full-length feature movie....
Post a Comment
Read more

And Those That Were Willing...

I started a summer project. Oh yes, not like bringing home a puppy wasn't enough craziness for the summer- I've gone and added something else. I set a goal for myself- read through my bible in 90 days. At first I hummed and hawed about doing it. Would I really retain anything to make it worthwhile? Shouldn't I do a slow methodical study to get as much as possible out of it? Blah, blah, blah... Then I figured, anything that gets me at least reading my bible on a regular basis (whatever the outcome) would be a GOOD thing. So I started out with great enthusiasm and even got a day ahead of myself. Now, I'm behind (surprise, surprise). REALLY behind. Out of town visitors and a week of camping will do that, but I'm working on getting caught up again. Until then, I want to share a little nugget that I got from Ex. 36:2. "Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the Lord had given ability and who was willing to come and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is Giving Up Failing?

Where to begin? This year has been crazy. Not just for me, but for a lot of my home schooling friends as well. I thought that going into year five of this home schooling journey was a bit of an 'arrival' of sorts. That just maybe I had 'made it' and was on to smoother sailings. Uhm.... no... Getting rid of the dog lifted a huge weight of the constant responsibility- but at the same time the heaviness was still there. Like a daughter who would break out into weeping fits when she thought about the dog and still asks me when he's coming back or when I will get another dog to replace him. I expended copious amount of time trying to deal with and train him- and getting rid of him signaled yet another failure that was emotionally hard to deal with. We also signed Elijah up with our local Air Cadet program and I have been volunteering with that as well. It's been interesting getting 'out' into the world again. For the past number of years our family ...
Post a Comment
Read more