WRAD Memories

The first time it dawned on my was when Elijah was 6 weeks old. The first 'real' smile from our baby and Graham had gotten it. I was mad! I was also hurt, angry, confused... Why had HE gotten the first smile when I'm taking care of this baby 24/7? I'M the one that is up all night with him. I'M the one spending hours every day feeding him, changing his diaper, etc. But that's when I realized it- I was spending so much time 'taking care of' my baby that I forgot to enjoy my baby. And that's all that Graham did. Once I realized what I was doing (or rather NOT doing) I made some changes and eventually got my own smiles. But somehow, over time, I've fallen back into that rut. I've been so focused on the tasks of parenting that I've been missing out on the relationships of parenting. Teaching manners, training in chores, getting their school work done, music practiced- you know the parenting drill. Working for perfection and mis...

Tonight I NEED to write. It's been a LONG summer so far and for no reason really, I felt like the past few days have just about put me over the edge. So I need to write and find the good in this, because if I don't I keep dwelling on the bad. Today started with an interesting dream. In it, I was going to be driving my friend's car- but I realized the back passenger door was open and thought 'I need to close it before I go'. For some reason I didn't- and only discovered that when I got to my destination. I got out to check to see if there was any damage and both the doors on that side were massively scraped up. I felt sick to my stomach over it. There was no way to hide the damage and no way I could pretend it never happened. In some ways, it's a lot like life. You see something that you KNOW you really need to do. Unfortunately, life distracts you and it doesn't get done (or the other way- you don't stop doing things you know you shouldn...

I really should follow through on things that I'm supposed to do (or rather NOT supposed to do). Like not going on Facebook or mindlessly spending hours on the internet ('oh, but I just need to look something up' always takes more time than you think!). It would have saved me a lot of grief this week. See, one of my friends posted this article by someone who (it felt like to me) was bragging about how great they were as a mother because they didn't yell at their kids (anymore, at least). To make matters worse, the friend who posted it has always been held up by another person close to me as being so 'perfect' because THEY don't EVER yell at their kids either. (Anyone sense the sarcasm/frustration level rising here?) Well, confession time. I yell at my kids. Not all the time, mind you (at least I don't think so- although my husband/kids might beg to differ, esp. when I'm hormonal). I REALLY try hard not to yell- most days. And I don't rememb...

A while back I started something I called 'The Truth Project'. It came out of the idea that most of the frustrations I was having stemmed from lies that I was believing were truth. Then, I would make decisions based on whatever I believed to be true. Eventually, we reap what we have sown (Prov. 11:17-19; Prov. 22:7-9 for a couple examples). Honestly, I'm not all that fond of some of the things that I've been reaping in my life these days. So, I started working on my Truth Project. You can do it however you want, mine seems to be constantly evolving, but I started out with a new notebook and at least 2 different coloured pens. I would then sit down and pray for God to reveal a lie that was impacting my life. Normally it wouldn't take very long and a thought would pop into my head- so I would take the first colour and write out what that lie was. Next, I would do another prayer- this time asking God to reveal what HE had to say about this lie that I was thinki...