I really should follow through on things that I'm supposed to do (or rather NOT supposed to do). Like not going on Facebook or mindlessly spending hours on the internet ('oh, but I just need to look something up' always takes more time than you think!).
It would have saved me a lot of grief this week.
See, one of my friends posted this article by someone who (it felt like to me) was bragging about how great they were as a mother because they didn't yell at their kids (anymore, at least). To make matters worse, the friend who posted it has always been held up by another person close to me as being so 'perfect' because THEY don't EVER yell at their kids either. (Anyone sense the sarcasm/frustration level rising here?)
Well, confession time. I yell at my kids. Not all the time, mind you (at least I don't think so- although my husband/kids might beg to differ, esp. when I'm hormonal). I REALLY try hard not to yell- most days. And I don't remember the last time I had a complete melt-down (but sadly CAN remember HAVING them- as in more than one).
When I look at my family growing up, I realize that I've come by it quite honestly. But I don't want to just leave it there and pass that along to my kids so that I can see it in my grandkids, etc. Something needs to change and it needs to start with me.
I have spent a LOT of time over the past couple of years really working on being nicer to my kids and not yelling. But honestly, I haven't found the magic pill that lets you repeat the same phrase 50 times in a row and NOT get upset.
So, to read that article and feel beaten down again- well, it drained me. Badly. It's a sore spot of mine, actually. The Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde kind of thing, that I wish I didn't have in my home.
But how? How do I change this?
First, I think making sure that we get enough sleep and have the proper nutrition fueling our bodies goes a long way to ensuring positive relationship. Hey, maybe even throw in some exercise to get your endorphin's going!
When our mental, physical, emotional or financial bank accounts are overdrawn it makes sense that we react in a negative way to those wanting even more from us. Days where I have gotten enough sleep are MUCH easier to deal with than when I'm tired after staying up too late doing dumb 'stuff'.
Next, is getting perspective- the right kind. Going back and learning again who I am in Christ and accepting myself for the person He created me to be is a major factor. As we see in I John 4:7-21, it talks about how God loved us first, so that we can use that love to love others. If we don't apprehend God's love for us, we have nothing to give others. My perfectionism is a huge obstacle to this right now. Guess that's another item for my Truth Project.
Then, I need to stop making excuses for yelling. Oh, ouch!
Back to our passage in I John 4- God has given us His Spirit so that we can love others. So, either He has given us everything we need for a godly life (like NOT yelling) or He hasn't (2 Pet. 1:3).
I can be nice to strangers (granted, strangers don't start asking me for lunch as I'm clearing the breakfast dishes, but even when strangers annoy me I can still respond to them in a reasonably sane manner- most of the time). So why not with my kids?
I can refrain from loosing it when other people ARE around- so why not when they AREN'T around? Why do I worry more about what other people are thinking than how my kids feel about how I'm treating them?
Nowhere in the bible does it give an exemption from loving each other or living a godly life. (If you do find one, please let me know- it could come in handy. Just kidding!)
My yelling had become a habit, because I knew that I would see results. I could even tell some days that I was deliberately choosing to yell because I wanted action- NOW! Unfortunately, the longer I thought about it, the more I'd been wondering about whether the LONG-TERM results I REALLY wanted would be achieved using this method.
And I knew they wouldn't be.
Which brings me to my last point (for now). Putting on the armour of God and fighting against the flesh that wants our way instead of God's way (Eph. 6:10-18).
Because isn't that what the yelling is usually about? I want my kids to do something and they won't- so I get frustrated and use whatever means at my disposal to MAKE them do it. And if I don't stop it then they do the same thing with each other and the cycle continues- which just makes me more frustrated. See a pattern here?
Please don't think that I've got this mastered, because I don't. I'm writing this as much for me as for everyone else, to give me a renewed plan of action for tomorrow since His mercies and grace are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-24).
He is faithful to help us as we wrestle through this issue in our lives- an issue that we can and will overcome through the blood of the Lamb (Rev. 12:11). For me, the biggest part was stopping the excuses and realizing that yes, when I yell, I'm choosing to yell. I don't have to (baring an emergency, of course).
I constantly tell my kids that regardless of what anyone says or does to you, you still have a choice on how you respond. It takes work- and lots of it, but I think the 'paycheque' will be well worth it.
Keeping it real, by the grace of God...
Tammy
It would have saved me a lot of grief this week.
See, one of my friends posted this article by someone who (it felt like to me) was bragging about how great they were as a mother because they didn't yell at their kids (anymore, at least). To make matters worse, the friend who posted it has always been held up by another person close to me as being so 'perfect' because THEY don't EVER yell at their kids either. (Anyone sense the sarcasm/frustration level rising here?)
Well, confession time. I yell at my kids. Not all the time, mind you (at least I don't think so- although my husband/kids might beg to differ, esp. when I'm hormonal). I REALLY try hard not to yell- most days. And I don't remember the last time I had a complete melt-down (but sadly CAN remember HAVING them- as in more than one).
When I look at my family growing up, I realize that I've come by it quite honestly. But I don't want to just leave it there and pass that along to my kids so that I can see it in my grandkids, etc. Something needs to change and it needs to start with me.
I have spent a LOT of time over the past couple of years really working on being nicer to my kids and not yelling. But honestly, I haven't found the magic pill that lets you repeat the same phrase 50 times in a row and NOT get upset.
So, to read that article and feel beaten down again- well, it drained me. Badly. It's a sore spot of mine, actually. The Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde kind of thing, that I wish I didn't have in my home.
But how? How do I change this?
First, I think making sure that we get enough sleep and have the proper nutrition fueling our bodies goes a long way to ensuring positive relationship. Hey, maybe even throw in some exercise to get your endorphin's going!
When our mental, physical, emotional or financial bank accounts are overdrawn it makes sense that we react in a negative way to those wanting even more from us. Days where I have gotten enough sleep are MUCH easier to deal with than when I'm tired after staying up too late doing dumb 'stuff'.
Next, is getting perspective- the right kind. Going back and learning again who I am in Christ and accepting myself for the person He created me to be is a major factor. As we see in I John 4:7-21, it talks about how God loved us first, so that we can use that love to love others. If we don't apprehend God's love for us, we have nothing to give others. My perfectionism is a huge obstacle to this right now. Guess that's another item for my Truth Project.
Then, I need to stop making excuses for yelling. Oh, ouch!
Back to our passage in I John 4- God has given us His Spirit so that we can love others. So, either He has given us everything we need for a godly life (like NOT yelling) or He hasn't (2 Pet. 1:3).
I can be nice to strangers (granted, strangers don't start asking me for lunch as I'm clearing the breakfast dishes, but even when strangers annoy me I can still respond to them in a reasonably sane manner- most of the time). So why not with my kids?
I can refrain from loosing it when other people ARE around- so why not when they AREN'T around? Why do I worry more about what other people are thinking than how my kids feel about how I'm treating them?
Nowhere in the bible does it give an exemption from loving each other or living a godly life. (If you do find one, please let me know- it could come in handy. Just kidding!)
My yelling had become a habit, because I knew that I would see results. I could even tell some days that I was deliberately choosing to yell because I wanted action- NOW! Unfortunately, the longer I thought about it, the more I'd been wondering about whether the LONG-TERM results I REALLY wanted would be achieved using this method.
And I knew they wouldn't be.
Because isn't that what the yelling is usually about? I want my kids to do something and they won't- so I get frustrated and use whatever means at my disposal to MAKE them do it. And if I don't stop it then they do the same thing with each other and the cycle continues- which just makes me more frustrated. See a pattern here?
Please don't think that I've got this mastered, because I don't. I'm writing this as much for me as for everyone else, to give me a renewed plan of action for tomorrow since His mercies and grace are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-24).
He is faithful to help us as we wrestle through this issue in our lives- an issue that we can and will overcome through the blood of the Lamb (Rev. 12:11). For me, the biggest part was stopping the excuses and realizing that yes, when I yell, I'm choosing to yell. I don't have to (baring an emergency, of course).
I constantly tell my kids that regardless of what anyone says or does to you, you still have a choice on how you respond. It takes work- and lots of it, but I think the 'paycheque' will be well worth it.
Keeping it real, by the grace of God...
Tammy
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