WRAD Memories

Expectations. I have come to realize that I have a love-hate relationship with 'Expectations'. Before something happens you have this dream of what it's going to look like. And, the longer you have to wait the bigger the expectations become (at least for me it's seemed that way). Expectations: being given a picture and told to replicate it in cake form. I have grand ideas of what all my cake attempts should look like (think professional perfection)- but the reality of my experience doesn't always translate the same way. Thankfully this one turned out really well! Then you hit reality. You finally get what you've been waiting/wanting/dreaming for all that time. But, it's different than what you were expecting it to be/look like. Not that it's bad or anything (although sometimes it can be). It's just different than what you dreamt it would be. My life seems to be just that- hoping and praying for things to happen only to have reality ...

I can't believe that it's been nearly a year since my last post. Well, actually I can. I suck at this sometimes (a lot of the time?). Anyway, here is something that I'd written in December, but somehow didn't post. There is much to catch up on from the past year and lots that is happening/changing- but this needs to go up first while I work on the rest. So here goes... Ever since I first started toying with the idea of switching to registered homeschooling from our current enrolled status I've been second guessing that decision. (You can read about it  here .) When I talked with our 'school' people- somehow they seemed to make it all sound so easy that this really isn't such a big deal. It almost made me think that I should stay enrolled- mainly so I can get the funding for lessons and such. But there was no peace when I thought about that. It felt like I was trying to ride the fence and play both sides- trying to figure out how to do the minim...

Where to begin? This year has been crazy. Not just for me, but for a lot of my home schooling friends as well. I thought that going into year five of this home schooling journey was a bit of an 'arrival' of sorts. That just maybe I had 'made it' and was on to smoother sailings. Uhm.... no... Getting rid of the dog lifted a huge weight of the constant responsibility- but at the same time the heaviness was still there. Like a daughter who would break out into weeping fits when she thought about the dog and still asks me when he's coming back or when I will get another dog to replace him. I expended copious amount of time trying to deal with and train him- and getting rid of him signaled yet another failure that was emotionally hard to deal with. We also signed Elijah up with our local Air Cadet program and I have been volunteering with that as well. It's been interesting getting 'out' into the world again. For the past number of years our family ...

I didn't cave. I also should have just stayed off of Facebook, but I didn't cave. Last summer I chose NOT send my kids to summer camp- even though, seemingly, ALL their friends were going. The same week. All of them. Well, not really, of course. But honestly, with Facebook status updates coming in fast and furiously- it really did seem like it. And I wondered, 'Am I a bad mom because I didn't send my kids to summer camp with their friends?' At one point, I seriously thought about calling up the camp (after the week had started) and seeing if I couldn't somehow manage to get them in anyway. I let the thought pass- and didn't cave. But I still feel a tinge of guilt about it and I'm dreading the decision about this summer already. Fast forward a few more months- to February 7, 2014 to be exact. Pretty much anyone with even the slightest interest in Lego will know what that date means. The release of their first full-length feature movie....

A few days ago I watched a video about distracted moms (by Carol Barnier author of the book "If I'm Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where'd I Leave the Baby?: Help for the Highly Distractible Mom"). I thought to myself, 'yeah, I guess I can get a bit distracted'. Little did I know that probably the next day I would realize just how bad it was. I was trying to explain some math concept to one of the boys and I noticed that his fingernails REALLY needed to be cut. It took EVERY ounce of self control to not interrupt what we were doing and go cut them that very second. I immediately thought back to the video. Yep. I'm a distracted mom. But something in what she said in the video really hit a nerve deep within. At first she thought that she needed to fix this distractability and become the Pinterest perfect home schooling mom. She had charts and list and everything possible to keep herself organized and on task. Only it didn't work because the...

Lately I haven't been feeling like I'm getting anywhere with things. I'm dwelling too much on what's NOT working (or getting done, etc.), than I am on what IS working. The laundry piles, the cluttered counters and dirty dishes, the 'still unplanned home school/day schedule', kids who've decided that they don't want to listen or do anything you've told them for the past 10 years! Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's easy to get dragged down into the dumps when you do that. This then becomes a catch-22 where you get so upset that you just want to numb yourself in some way: internet, Facebook, reading, hobbies, eating, drinking, drugs, etc. The list is long of things that we use to fill the hole that's there in our lives. Unfortunately, what they all have in common is that fact that the moment we turn to them instead of to God- they become our idols. As I've been reading through the Old Testament I've been pondering the whole 'heart att...

A while back I wrote about a video series that we're going through with our home group. In it, they talked about God giving us over to our own stubborn desires in order to help draw us back to Him (Ps. 81). I think I've found my latest version of this- our new dog. And yes, it's only been three days! Short honeymoon, eh? He is the cutest thing ever- but I HATE potty training. I hate the 'presents' that he gives us when we don't get it right (at least my kids didn't do that on the carpet!). And, I'm seriously lacking in sleep from his whining during the night. NOT a good combination. As I was thinking about it I began to realize something- as I'm getting 'squeezed' by this latest challenge in my life, how am I responding? Snarly- just like how I was feeling today. Honestly, it really hasn't been all that pretty. I don't think it's been very pretty for most of us- each in different ways. In some ways it makes me sad t...

It's June! Already!?! This year has really flown by. June marks the end of my 4th year of homeschooling. In some ways I still feel like a 'newbie'- like I'm just starting out, wondering how it all is going to work out and if I'm going to mess up my kids' education! When we first started out, our home school area was a corner of our playroom. Needless to say they were more interested in playing than school work. Just to make life more interesting (besides being pregnant with baby #5 when we started), we decided to close in the covered sundeck and create a bedroom & home school room. I did okay until we hit the drywall stage- I gave up doing any 'formal' schooling till it was finished. In other ways, I'm almost feeling like a seasoned veteran. I even have the occasional mom who is newer at this home schooling gig asking me, 'How do you do it?'. Oh my! If they only knew! Anyway, it's a question that even I have ask...

I really should follow through on things that I'm supposed to do (or rather NOT supposed to do). Like not going on Facebook or mindlessly spending hours on the internet ('oh, but I just need to look something up' always takes more time than you think!). It would have saved me a lot of grief this week. See, one of my friends posted this article by someone who (it felt like to me) was bragging about how great they were as a mother because they didn't yell at their kids (anymore, at least). To make matters worse, the friend who posted it has always been held up by another person close to me as being so 'perfect' because THEY don't EVER yell at their kids either. (Anyone sense the sarcasm/frustration level rising here?) Well, confession time. I yell at my kids. Not all the time, mind you (at least I don't think so- although my husband/kids might beg to differ, esp. when I'm hormonal). I REALLY try hard not to yell- most days. And I don't rememb...