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Great Expectations

I went to my parents for lunch after church today. Several hours later it was time to pack up the kids and go home. Lo and behold, not one of them wanted to leave. It's really hard to compete with no screen restrictions and the pool- I mean really, why on earth would they ever want to leave?

Since tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, my mom graciously agreed to keep all the kids so I can sleep in!

What are the chances that I'll be able to do that now that I can?

It really was a nice quiet evening. Graham and I could actually have a full conversation that wasn't getting interrupted every five seconds by either a scream child or nagging questions.

We both reminisced about how this was our life before kids (and how long it had been since we'd actually been at home together, without a specific purpose to occupy us (like our never-ending reno's), with not even one kid around).

But you know what? It didn't take long for both of us to agree that even in the midst of the craziness of home schooling 5 kids, we couldn't see having it any other way.

So then, I gleefully thought of all the things that I COULD do with my free evening (hubby has to work tomorrow so he went to bed earlier). I had great expectations!

Now, I'm chiding myself for how I DID spend it, and wondering how I can squeeze a bit more into my precious time alone to redeem myself.

Ah, the torment of what to do. How to have the PERFECT evening.

The idea of perfection- BLECH! I hate it. It's kind of why I ended up blowing off my Mother's Day posts.

I struggle daily with looking at my house, seeing the disorganization and chaos, and desperately wanting to ship the kids off for a week or two so I can get it cleaned up and organized.

In short- make it look perfect.

Honestly, I wish my house could look like those perfect magazine homes. Nothing on the counter, a few carefully chosen pieces of furniture- all matching in the style I would like, of course. You get the idea.

But seriously, who lives in those places anyway? And do they have more than 1 child (if any) and home school? I know there are people who can actually keep a house that neat and have multiple kids- I'm just not one of them. And it stresses me out.

Then there is the struggle to get all of the school work done. Have we done enough? Are my kids learning enough? There are days that I wish I could just sit down and have a good cry.

The expectation of perfection- where do we get if from anyway?

Over the past few months, I have been trying to forget about what I'm seeing around me and focusing instead on GOD's desire for my 'to do' list.

To learn what it means to pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17) and attempting to order my day (and my reactions) in such a way as to honour God.

How's it working for me? Some days I'm constantly hitting the reset button from the time I get up till I fall back into bed at night. Other days are a bit better.

All I know is that by working on relationship, with God and others, I'm finding that the perfectionism dies down a bit. I am able to let go of the striving and just 'be' a child of God.

And that, my friends, is VERY freeing.

Keeping it real, by the grace of God...
Tammy


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